Age Appropriate Dressing: My (Daughter’s) Closet/Her (Mother’s) Closet
The questions surrounding “appropriate” dressing seem to come up more and more these days. Putting aside recent off-base remarks regarding how women dress and how they are treated sexually, people—not just women, but men, too—want to dress their age (i.e., “appropriately”), but not the connoted image of their age.
Admittedly, I hear the question of age appropriate dressing come up most often from my 40+ female clients. Women are increasingly defying their chronological age through healthy eating, exercise and agree with it or not, Botox and other anti-aging treatments. These women don’t want to dress in modest, moderate fashion, covering up the necklines, shoulders, arms and legs that they have worked so hard to maintain. Nor do these women want to dress like 20 or 30 year olds. Rather, women in their 40s, 50s and 60s are looking for wardrobe options that allow their skin and silhouettes to be seen in a sophisticated and understated way that’s still attractive.
Halle Berry | Photo: HawtCelebs
Julianne Moore | Photo: Celeb Mafia
Michelle Obama | Photo: By Kevin Winter/Getty Images
Iman | Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty Images, Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
Younger women also struggle with dressing “their age,” while still commanding respect, particularly at the workplace. One of my 30-something clients has to shift between opposing work environments—sometimes visiting a tech customer in the morning, then hustling to a bankers’ meeting in a corporate conference room later that same day. Unlike Superman, she cannot rely on a phone booth to do a quick change. Instead, my client needed to learn how to dress in a way that resonates with both her tech peers (other 30-somethings) and her bank managers. (Hint: Layering can be your unlock!)
Like women, 40+ men are increasingly asking me for age appropriate fashion options, especially when it comes to their work wardrobes. These men can no longer rely on the traditional suit and tie as uniform. Casual Friday has, for the most part, devolved. And tech professionals and those working in startups stand to keep pace with or potentially outpace those working in finance and law. Workplaces themselves have also changed. More and more men are enjoying the privilege of alternate work arrangements, often working from home or within collaborative, shared work spaces like WeWork or even Starbucks. Needless to say, while sweats are not appropriate, neither are too formal options. (Hoodies for 40+ working men are only OK if your name is Shawn Carter or if you are playing Bobby Axelrod on my favorite Showtime series, “Billions.”) Bottom line, as women and men mature or their lifestyles change, the tension rises between being stylish and relevant while also dressing in a way that accurately reflects one’s age and current way of living.
Age is just a number. We all know people who are chronologically much older or younger than they look. Adults are like kids—they come in all shapes, sizes and forms, thereby making it difficult to pinpoint someone’s actual age. So, if we are not “looking our age,” why do we have to “dress our age?” The answer is: We don’t. We simply have to navigate inside the following guideposts:
Your conscience should be the loudest voice in the dressing room. We are bombarded by fashion do’s and don’ts; and even more so when you reach a certain age. For instance, you might hear that women over 40 or 50 should cover their shoulders or wear longer skirts or shorts. One stylish 50 year old I know rocks tanks, halter and other sleeveless tops, but she won’t wear cold shoulder tops because she feels that, for her, they look too youthful. She wears longer length bottoms when she dresses for work or more formal occasions, but loves her cut-offs and shorter skirts when she’s running errands or meeting friends for coffee. Exposing shoulders and legs is not a do or don’t for this woman; rather, style preferences drive her clothing choices.
Sandra Bullock | Photo: Fame/Barcroft Media
The mirror (and your kids!) don’t lie. What is your first reaction when you look at yourself in the mirror? Whatever your gut tells you as you take in your image in those jeans or that outfit is usually trustworthy. Have you done the “sit test?” Whether it’s pants, a skirt or a dress, sit in a chair, cross your legs and gauge 1) how much and what part of your leg or ankle shows and 2) where fabric may be awkwardly bunching up. Regardless of age, pulling an unintentional Sharon Stone in “Basic Instinct” or looking as if you have more than one cloth napkin on your lap is never a good look. If you’re still in doubt after a few posing at different angles in the mirror and crossing and uncrossing limbs, ask your children. (You know what they say about the mouths of babes.) Ultimately, you may override their unabashed opinion but they will undoubtedly lead you to make a more educated, and honest decision.
Comfort is key. Dressing comfortably doesn’t have to mean dressing frumpy. If a garment doesn’t feel good or lay right on your body, you will not come across as your most stylish self, no matter how fashionable or expensive that piece may be. Tugging at straps, adjusting waistlines, and pulling up pants not only calls unwanted attention to your look, it will inevitably distract you and make you feel very self-conscious. This is especially true of uncomfortable shoes like some high heels for women. Never, ever wear shoes you can’t easily stride in and if you are going to an event where you will be drinking alcohol, make doubly sure you are able to walk with confidence.
It’s not what you spend, but how you spend it. You can, and absolutely should, put a price on fashion. Investing in your closet and personal style is an emotional and resource-intensive process. (Not to mention, a time consuming one!) Be thoughtful about how and where you put your retail dollars. You may choose to spend more on classics like a fitted blazer, a crisp white shirt, the perfect jean, or a (relatively) little black dress or sweater (both a must). If you do choose to spend more on one of these timeless workhorse pieces, be sure that it will, in fact, stand the test of time. Ask yourself, will I want to wear this piece in 5 years? 10 years? Longer? Is it “appropriate” and more importantly, still desirable and wearable at any age? If the answer is “Yes,” then you are on your way to answering what it means to dress in an age appropriate manner.
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